If you look up ‘crazy psycho chick’ in the dictionary Thembie’s name should feature in the description. She’s a walking circus. Too much time and money can lead to riduculousness.

At the dinner she introduced Luke and I to (wait for it, wait for it) her fiancé. It was the most awkward moment ever. There were a few things that were clear: they barely know each other, he barely spoke English and what was lacking in sophistication he made up for in muscles.

She introduced us to a kanyama that she probably met at the doorway to a club like they had been dating for years. No date set, apparently they can’t decide between his village in Masaka and her home in Joburg. It was like watching someone fall down a flight of stairs in slow motion knocking over small children, puppies and the elderly down as she plummeted.

As soon as we were done watching them drive off in a BMW Hertz rental I turned to Luke and started ranting about how she was clearly lying in an elaborate (and failed) attempt to get to us. I was very surprised by his reaction. To cut a long story short he lectured me the whole way home about being an elitist snob. Then he lectured me about always thinking people have ulterior motives. Then he told me that I should take a leaf from Tembie and be more accepting, more forgiving, more open and more giving.

If you look up ‘gullible buffoon’ in the dictionary Luke’s name should feature in the description. He’s an idiot.