I have been meaning to check out Club Silk on Pole dancing nite.

I had to research and make sure this was no fake night.

Poles. Check.

Naked ladies.Check.

I head out with my friends; We have never been to a strip club and we r expecting magic, like the movies. We filled our wallets with 1k notes and were ready, we debated over coins but thought since it’s a classy place…

An hour later, we leave.

No.no.no.no.no.no.no

No.

It was like an exorcism of sorts. No one went up and down the pole, no gravity defying moments. Not a shilling left my pocket.

Lady no.1 repeatedly hit herself against the pole and the floor like she was trying to get a free pass to Mulago Hospital.

Lady no. 2 was dancing to something else in her head, and it wasn’t a sexy song.

Lady no. 3 hadn’t applied deodorant

Lady no. 4 just looked bad

Did I mention they all had painted faces, to ‘hide’ their identity?

But it was the type of face painting from your nephew’s birthday party. And it was drizzling down their faces mixed with sweat like some sort of horror movie.

I couldn’t laugh because I didn’t want to look amateur, although obviously that was the problem they had, not me. The only pole I’ll be looking at is the Umeme one outside my window.